I Got Jean Mad

It feels a little too depressing when I saw her face, her eyebrows meeting and her wrinkled forehead. She was really mad, for real. She let out a loud scream, full of anguish, frustration and irritation. And it feels a little too bad that it’s all because of my banter.

It’s my fault.

I got way overboard. I wasn’t thinking at that moment… and like what I hated about other people, I have accidentally done to her.

I hope she forgives me. I feel so guilty inside that I can’t do anything in fear of worsening what I’ve already done. I already apologized but somehow I think that’s not enough. I feel trapped, not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do next. Somehow, I feel like a bird who is caught in her palm, struggling will cause me instant death and not doing anything will not set me free. Have you ever felt that you’re in a big room but then you can’t settle to breathe freely?

It’s unfair for her to be treated like that, just like how I treated her.

I used to feel like that too when everyone thinks that “It’s ok”, that “Everything’s going to be alright with her.” and now, I feel really bad about it.

She’s too important to me that I don’t want to lose her.

And I miss her already, knowing that she’s just right here beside me.

Everyone was stressed. We barely talk anymore. A single tug could trigger an angry outburst waiting to happen. What’s happening to us?

I cannot lay here waiting things to happen. But first I must resolve something in me before fixing the mess I just created. I hope this too will pass…