Hurt Crying

Your eyes are burning. And when you close them there’s this paroxysm felt in the deeper regions of your chest. It’s the kind of pain one cannot explain. And you know that no remedy can ease the ache.

Slowly, the heat irritates your eyes as it wells up into tears. But you tell yourself not to cry. You know how it feels. You are being stripped of your soul and the feeling throbs and you cant make it stop.

And you bury yourself under the pillows, your now damp soft pillows.

Figure Concious Eating

catch the whole shot here

My little sister brought home some pastries. I like this one best. It’s  a good thing I don’t have colds anymore. Now, I can eat all the sweets I want. Yey!!!

Doesn’t it look like a crushed beetle? Anyhoo. Ang sarap nya sobra. Its a slice of chocolate cake topped with super daming icing and covered with chocolate syrup. Gosh. I’m so addicted to eating this thing.

Tataba ako lalo nito.

>Speaking off. I did put on some fat cells but my weight’s still the same. Wierd, isn’t it? A little while ago, my little brother way poking my back. He was amused to find out that it became soft and unbony as it used to be. I’ve been having fat all over. As in, in ALL places. Whaa. Kailangan ko ng magpasexy uli, tulad ng sabi dati ni Meg.

I didn’t really notice that back when I was in highschool, I had perfect curves. Then why didn’t people tell me that a long time ago? Why now, that  I have gotten all so chubby? Makes me feel so insecure. Ah basta. kailangan ko ng pumayat by the next two weeks, dami pa namang gimik nun.

I Got Jean Mad

It feels a little too depressing when I saw her face, her eyebrows meeting and her wrinkled forehead. She was really mad, for real. She let out a loud scream, full of anguish, frustration and irritation. And it feels a little too bad that it’s all because of my banter.

It’s my fault.

I got way overboard. I wasn’t thinking at that moment… and like what I hated about other people, I have accidentally done to her.

I hope she forgives me. I feel so guilty inside that I can’t do anything in fear of worsening what I’ve already done. I already apologized but somehow I think that’s not enough. I feel trapped, not knowing where to go, not knowing what to do next. Somehow, I feel like a bird who is caught in her palm, struggling will cause me instant death and not doing anything will not set me free. Have you ever felt that you’re in a big room but then you can’t settle to breathe freely?

It’s unfair for her to be treated like that, just like how I treated her.

I used to feel like that too when everyone thinks that “It’s ok”, that “Everything’s going to be alright with her.” and now, I feel really bad about it.

She’s too important to me that I don’t want to lose her.

And I miss her already, knowing that she’s just right here beside me.

Everyone was stressed. We barely talk anymore. A single tug could trigger an angry outburst waiting to happen. What’s happening to us?

I cannot lay here waiting things to happen. But first I must resolve something in me before fixing the mess I just created. I hope this too will pass…